In this episode, we’re discussing Collaboration!
This is part 3 of, well it turns out, 5. The next two episodes are more about Collaboration from the same conversation with my co-host. I’m not sure yet what the next topic will be because I’ve got several lined up.
The Co-Host is Kiki and you can find her work here: Instagram: @heretic.homestead TikTok @heretichomestead
- Sections0:00:00 Intro
- 0:01:13 Introduction Chat
- 0:09:18 Content Warnings
- Content warnings for Parts 1 2 and 3 of the Collaboration episodes: To explain what it feels like to be in a non-collaborative relationship, I and my co-host describe distressing psychological experiences such as hypervigilant anxiety, ruminative and psychogenic insomnia, “barrage of rhetorical convincing,” intrusive thoughts that involve interpersonal violence, homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, destruction of institutions; losing supportive relationships and becoming isolatedContent warnings for Part 1: I mention systemic support that protects police violence and racial bias, from the point of view of a person whose experienced the violence
- 0:10:46 Grounding Prayer
- 0:11:54 Kiki's Intro
- 0:12:48 Review of Warm Empathy and Cold Empathy and why I link this with Collaboration
- 0:14:15 Starting to talk about Collaboration and how I define it
- 0:15:25 Introject: "Over a sustained period of time"
- 0:15:54 Versus Consensus or Agreement which I am less interested in
- 0:21:43 Goal of Consensus presumes that Collaboration is present but it is a separate thing and may not be present. A consensus can be actually an unilaterally beneficial thing where one party gives up everything but both parties agree to the outcome.
- 0:23:41 when collaboration is working because there is a drive towards empathy underpinning it; it includes room to falter and repair and there are future opportunities for growth and needs to be met and to build trust and reduce distress
- 0:27:24 Why I chose Collaboration as the pair to Empathy and what it feels like to be in a non-collaborative relationship
- 0:29:59 Intrusive thoughts introjection
- 0:31:45 Interjection about Suicidal Ideation - Nationwide Crisis Line is 9-8-8
- 0:35:15 The Invisibility Shield over the most distressing Non-Collaborative Relationship
- 0:37:59 What years of tiny, individually dismissed instances of having your needs-wants-desires-preferences not cared about adds up to crushing dehumanization aka be nice to your friends who just broke up or estranged from someone
- 0:41:09 The Barage of Rhetorical Convincing aka How to have 18+ justifications for existing, moving, breathing, speaking, and maybe wanting something sometime ever
- 0:42:53 Hypervigilant Anxiety which can lead to intrusive thoughts, obsessive and ruminative thinking, and compulsions
- 0:46:16 Vigilent anxiety during the day leads to rumination insomnia at night which can turn into anxiety about sleep loss which worsens anxiety and sleep dep makes you under-resourced
- 0:47:40 Outro, Credits, and Disclaimer
References mentioned in the show:
This is Under the Umbra: Using Empathy and Collaboration to Navigate a World of Shadows. In each episode, Electra and the co-hosts explore ways to think about and plan for difficult relationships with people and systems in a way that stays grounded in values and centers community. I invite you to try out focusing on Empathy and Collaboration as a realistic and compassionate model for interpersonal interactions. If you find yourself Under the Umbra, let’s find our way back to the light.
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