Under The Umbra Ep 05 – Collaboration Part 2 of 3

In this episode, we’re discussing Collaboration! This is part 4 of 5. The next episode is wrapping up the conversation…...

In this episode, we’re discussing Collaboration!

This is part 4 of 5. The next episode is wrapping up the conversation about Collaboration with my co-host. The next topic will be Boundaries.

The Co-Host is Kiki and you can find her work here: Instagram: @heretic.homestead TikTok @heretichomestead


  • 0:00:00 Intro
  • 0:01:22 Introduction Chat
  • 0:06:03 Content Warnings:
    • Content warnings for Parts 1 2 and 3 of the Collaboration episodes: To explain what it feels like to be in a non-collaborative relationship, I and my co-host describe distressing psychological experiences such as hypervigilant anxiety, ruminative and psychogenic insomnia, “barrage of rhetorical convincing,” intrusive thoughts that involve interpersonal violence, homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, destruction of institutions; losing supportive relationships and becoming isolated
    • Content warnings for Part 2: I mention parental neglect; imagined/fictional interpersonal violence due to intrusive thoughts including torture; serial sexual assault perpetrated by a celebrity; political corruption by a past politician; mob violence (stochastic terrorism) and fictional description of homicide; and body dysmorphia and descriptions of things that might trigger a feeling of dysmorphia.0:07:37 Grounding Prayer
  • 0:08:45 Kiki's quick intro reprise
  • Vigilant anxiety during the day leads to rumination insomnia at night which can turn into anxiety about sleep loss which worsens anxiety and sleep dep makes you under-resourced
  • 0:09:14 A quick digression about how the behavior you develop in a non-collaborative relationship feels jarring and confuses others in a collaborative relationship
    Introjection: define Learned Helplessness
  • 0:09:56 Intrusive Thoughts come from Learned Helplessness
    Mumbled words, typed: My Praxis is the Dialectic. I am gonna WORD at you.
  • 0:11:45 How Learned Helplessness creates escalation of What It Would Take and that creates Intrusive Thoughts
  • Introjection: I also see people with learned helplessness have suicidal intrusive thoughts because that's the only way they can see to end their distress as nothing else seems to work and they can't get out of the non-collaborative situation
  • 0:13:16 Another way towards Intrusive Thoughts is, What Would It Take To Get You To Empathize? How Do I Recreate My Lived Experience In Your Body? uuuuuuh, I guess, uuuh, enhanced interrogation? because nothing else seems to work.
  • 0:15:30 Sidebar: How people having intrusive thoughts and being disturbed by them provides cover for people who talk openly about their inclinations to create a sense of normalcy for when they actually act on those harmful actions.
  • 0:19:15 Stochastic Terrorism as portrayed by mob violence from being Under The Umbra / an Emotional Regime of Othering, and how an Umbra of a non-collaborative relationship creates a direction for the violence for Stochastic Terrorism to occur
  • 0:25:13 But non-collaborative Umbras creating emotional regimes which include an oppressed group or a scapegoat 'target of blame' also create the same microenvironment as Stochastic Terrorism does on the national level and the Umbra creates the same obfuscation of Plausible Deniability
  • 0:26:13 When you are in a non-collaborative relationship and the invisibility shield plus learned helplessness means you feel powerless to influence THAT relationship, you then run the risk of heavily overburdening the relationships in your life that ARE collaborative... until they cut you off for self-preservation because you have become non-collaborative from being underresourced
  • 0:31:13 Non-collaborative relationships happen all the time, phasically and because of neurodivergence; in every demo and SEC and can be co-morbid with other conditions; and being perpetually non-collaborative creates an Umbra where the people Under the Umbra feel the effects I've described in these episodes
  • 0:32:32 First step: look in your metaphorical rearview mirror and blind spots, or open the closet door to peer at the jumbled storage, to see where you are in a relationship with a non-collaborative person, to pierce the invisibility shield and start to make plans about how to change that relationship, cultivate self-compassion and self-forgiveness and relationship repair, and find resources
  • 0:33:43 When you pull down the invisibility shield, suddenly a person who appeared normal before suddenly appears to be an Alien or a Monster... but hopefully this is a phase in your repair, not the final form; Stopping with that as the Final Form = Cut Out Toxic People culture
  • 0:37:04 Outro, Credits, and Disclaimer

References mentioned in the show:

Google “define learned helplessness” in the US, via Oxford Languages.

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. and Amelia Nagoski, D.M.A. (on Bookshop.org) (on Libro.fm)

Rachel Maddow’s podcast for her book Bag Man (link goes to both the book and the podcast)

A Human History of Emotion: How the Way We Feel Built the World We Know, By Richard Firth-Godbehere (on Bookshop.org) (on Libro.fm)

5-4 Pod “‘We can make Roe the law everywhere’ - An Interview with Senator Elizabeth Warren” (link goes to transcript and links to podcatchers)

As of this podcast’s airing, I am a Sen. Elizabeth Warren fan-girl and I voted for her in 2020.

This is Under the Umbra: Using Empathy and Collaboration to Navigate a World of Shadows. In each episode, Electra and the co-hosts explore ways to think about and plan for difficult relationships with people and systems in a way that stays grounded in values and centers community. I invite you to try out focusing on Empathy and Collaboration as a realistic and compassionate model for interpersonal interactions. If you find yourself Under the Umbra, let’s find our way back to the light.

Find the show's home right here at Under The Umbra . Info

Support the show via Patreon.com. Thanks to KC and Ellery who support this show!

This podcast was created, recorded, edited and produced by me, Electra, and brought to you by Bridge to Becoming LLC. Music is by SoulProdMusic on Pixabay and used with permission. Show art is by Lo Carter, 2023. Subtitle crafted by Vera!

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