In this episode, we’re discussing Boundaries!
This is part 1 of 2. The next episodes will be about Power.
The Co-Host is Jenna Bowers and here’s where you can find her work (and another cameo of her familiar Willoughby): TheWayWitch • Instagram • TikTok • Facebook
- 0:00:00 Intro and Credits
- 0:01:06 Introduction Chat with content warnings: swearing; Woo and existence of people who identify as being a witch; boundary crossing & boundary violation discussion, e.g. NAFTA, Russia invading Ukraine, medical malpractice, and discussion of coercive rape related to a famous attempted manslaughter case in the early 1990s.
- 0:08:03 Grounding Prayer with meows
- 0:08:58 Jenna’s Intro - The Way Witch
- 0:11:02 Why should we talk about Boundaries? Why did I invite a professional witch on to talk about Boundaries?
- 0:16:03 So then what is a boundary? How do we look around at what boundaries already exist in the world to figure out our own? (credit to J. L. + R.B. workshop for learning this approach, link below!)
- 0:23:01 An exercise in exploring personal space and behavioral boundaries that requires empathy and collaboration; demonstrates how easy it is to cross boundaries even with non-malicious intentions, and then how it takes having your boundaries being respected to heal from boundary violations.
- 0:28:27 Interesting that we as a culture rarely explicitly talk about boundaries. Here are various realms for boundaries.
- 0:30:37 Useful jargon: respecting, upholding, crossing, violating
- 0:35:15 Example from You're Wrong About podcast’s depiction of Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco: an older person exploits the ignorance of a younger person to violate many boundaries, and then in contrast with Big Strong and Kind desired behavior of more resourced people towards younger people
- 0:42:23 Review - what even are boundaries and who is defining them, upholding them, etc.; boundaries REQUIRE consent and collaboration and self-knowledge or community-cultural acceptance; if someone doesn't know where their boundaries are, it’s much harder to respect them
- 0:46:44 So how do you discover your own boundaries? Start thinking of the many realms where boundaries can reside and questioning where you have felt your boundaries were crossed or violated.
- 0:48:30 Digression into Comfort; and how Whose Comfort Is Respected and Protected is a major component of oppressive regimes, featuring an inaccurately remembered recounting of #LaughingWhileBlack 2015.
- 0:54:16 Digression and spoilers for next series about Power
- 0:55:28 Jenna's final summary for how fragile boundaries are thus far, contrasted with everyone's innate deserving of boundaries
- 0:56:40 Outro and Credits
References mentioned in the show:
I haven’t read or watched more than a bit of Nedra Glover Tawwab’s books yet but I’m on it!
Astrologer Jessica Lanyadoo and Herbalist Rachel Budde “PLANTS + PLANETS: BOUNDARY ALLIES WEBINAR”
Revolutionary Witchcraft: A Guide to Magical Activism, By Sarah Lyons • Libro.FM • Bookshop.org
Desiree Adaway and The Adaway Group
Resmaa Menakem My Grandmother’s Hands Libro.FM • Bookshop.org • Resmaa's website
August 2015 #LaughingWhileBlack https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/aug/24/book-club-napa-valley-wine-train-laughingwhileblack October 2015 https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/oct/01/napa-valley-wine-train-racial-discrimination-lawsuit-laughing-while-black April 2016 https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/apr/19/napa-valley-wine-train-book-club-settle-lawsuit
American Quarter Horses are actually 950-1200 lbs
You’re Wrong About “Amy Fisher” episode discussing how Amy met Joey Buttafuoco and how many boundaries he crossed and violated in that meeting. CW for this episode sexual assault/rape; CW for linked episode is child abuse, IPV, rape and exploitation of a minor, attempted manslaughter, and being extremely misrepresented by the media… as per usual for young women
Also recommended for analyzing boundaries and eroding boundaries:
- Interview with Tasha Adams on Death, Sex and Money “Leaving the Extreme Right, and a Marriage, Behind”
- You’re Wrong About episodes on the DC Snipers Parts 1 and 2 (there are 4 parts, which you can go on to listen to)
- Part 1 about Phoebe Muhammad née Mildred, CW IPV but redemptive ending of escape and making meaning.
- Part 2 about Lee Malvo, a child. CW as quoted by the hosts: “We are unable to conceive of a content warning comprehensive enough for all the horrors contained in this episode” but if you’re going to acquaint yourself with how systemic child abuse from living in empathy challenged non collaborative family structures, hearing about it from two empathetic and compassionate people is probably the best way.
On Repentance and Repair: Repair and Amends in an Unapologetic World, by Danya Ruttenberg • Libro.fm • Bookshop.org
This is Under the Umbra: Using Empathy and Collaboration to Navigate a World of Shadows. In each episode, Electra and the co-hosts explore ways to think about and plan for difficult relationships with people and systems in a way that stays grounded in values and centers community. I invite you to try out focusing on Empathy and Collaboration as a realistic and compassionate model for interpersonal interactions. If you find yourself Under the Umbra, let’s find our way back to the light.
Find the show's home at Under The Umbra dot Info which is HERE! You're here!
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This podcast was created, recorded, edited and produced by me, Electra, and brought to you by Bridge to Becoming LLC. Music is by SoulProdMusic on Pixabay and used with permission. Show art is by Lo Carter, 2023. Subtitle selected by Vera Alcorn!